They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
