Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
