Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
