that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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