Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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