Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
