Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
