one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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