Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
