I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
