are you still at the devil's house?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
