You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
