Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
