I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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