and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
