I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
