I want to make a zoo with you.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Your cock deserves a montage
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
