moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
