Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
