This is not my ceiling
well you can't waste a boner
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
