i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
