mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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