i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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