After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
