I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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