Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Your cock deserves a montage
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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