I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
