I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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