Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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