Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
