Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
