I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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