well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
