He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
