Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
