The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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