dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
