You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
