so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
