i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
