Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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