The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
