Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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