I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
