did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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