Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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