We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
