You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
