a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i think i just lost a toe
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
