rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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